One habit that changed my life forever
A while back, I did this little self-research on myself to find out my ‘best quality,’ so I surveyed my inner circle: friends, fam, cousins, basically my vibe tribe. After a whole week of digging, my best quality turned out to be ‘being nice.’ I was like, cool, I’ll take it. But then it hit me with the question, “WHY tho?”
I mean, it felt good to be nice and all but was that the most of what defined me as ME?
After some soul searching and self reflecting, I figured that I was nice to everyone to be in their good books in the expense of my identity. I never disapproved anyone, never said no to anything. And it was pretty much swallowing up the real me, my own ideas, and what I truly believe in. I was trapped inside the “nice bubble”. The more I tried to please everyone and hide the real me, the more I built up resentment and started hating people silently.
It feels suffocating when you know what’s wrong with you, but still choose to not do anything about it.
But as Joseph Campbell said “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.”
Now I understand the cost of always being nice, so I began making gradual changes. Shifting my mental focus from, what would they want me to say right now to what i truly want to say. I started opposing what didn’t resonate with me, even though it was a daunting task. I reminded myself that what I say reflects my values, and if it doesn’t align with someone else’s expectations, that’s their concern, not mine. I started focusing on my responsibility to be kind to myself and others as per my values.
Being “not nice” made me love myself more. It made me who I am. It made me fearless. And most importantly made me kind towards others. Because only when your cup is filled, you empower yourself to fill the cups of others.
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